22 years ago, within the first year of marriage, we hired a
tandem and cycled round Jersey. The highlight was the waitresses waving us off
following a scrumptious cream tea with a great rendition of "Daisy,
Daisy". We have laughed about it many times since, but I also recall many
moments of terror and panic when I felt I had no control. Yes, in stereotypical
gender style, I was on the back, with no brakes, no gears and no way of being
in charge of the speed we did downhill. I was fearful... he was a daredevil.
Unsurprisingly, Mr H was a little surprised when I suggested we
try using a tandem again, with a view to buying one through his cycle to work
scheme. With knee injuries from running, he is now a keen cyclist and already
has a rather advanced racing bike that he uses regularly. After a slow half
marathon last year, I have also been prone to injury, and now need to avoid
high impact exercise such as jogging and running. We are also in a phase of
life where our children are now young adults, and we have the freedom to try
out new things and and gain new perspectives...
So, we have been borrowing a tandem for 2 weekends now. As we
live on a hill, setting off (downhill of course) on our first ride was
terrifying. I had to trust him entirely regarding the moment of set off, speed
of pedalling, gear resistance, speed round bends and, of course, stopping.
Contrary to popular belief, there is no free wheeling on the back, when you are
the 'stoker' (I'm getting into cycle lingo already). You have to match the pace
(and 'cadence') of the person in front. But the person in front has to listen,
take your questions and concerns seriously and communicate their intentions.
'We are turning left at the next junction', 'Power up', 'Get ready to stop'
etc. etc.
The young adults mentioned earlier were fearful of what might
happen and fully expected ructions on our return home. Wrong. We came home
laughing and smiling and after a 20 mile trip, keen to do a longer ride next
time. The 2nd trip took place on Saturday, a perfect day, and we did 40 miles
including a stop off in the beautiful small city of Wells. This journey
included a number of hills. On a tandem, you can't stand up, so you go uphill
ridiculously slowly in a very low gear - serious teamwork and effort required
to make it to the top, then the momentum back down the other side is
phenomenal. I will admit, it was a little fast for my liking, but I felt so
much more confident and joyful compared to 22 years ago. It was fun.
I have learnt a lot from trying something out again, something
that I had really thought the first time was going to be a one off. How even in
an established relationship with very well worn roles, likes and dislikes, it
is great to open up your mind, relinquish some of the control you are used to
having, and put your trust in a partner. In this case, Mr H as a very
experienced road cyclist, is much better equipped to lead than me and also
compared to how he was 22 years ago. How, despite the day to day use of
shorthand communication common in a lot of relationships, (that can sometimes
be 'short' as well) doing something that requires you to work in tandem
(couldn't resist) necessitates patient, clear and kind communication. I think
there are many comparisons, like these, to make regarding lots of joint
activities and endeavours at work and in life generally.
