#mmumtm

My mum taught me:

To aspire for an education and a career. My Grandad was very traditional, of his time, and did not prioritise girls’ education. Mum went to grammar school, but the family moved when she was 15, to Ireland for a year. Not speaking Irish prevented her from doing O Levels. None the less, thanks to prolific reading, intelligence and curiosity, Mum has extensive general knowledge, an OU Degree and has never, to our knowledge, been beaten at Trivial Pursuit. Mum always encouraged me, but never pushed me, and never tried to live her life vicariously through mine.

To pronounce the ‘t’ in expressions such as ‘didn’t it?’ A stickler for speaking clearly, avoiding slang etc, Mum gave the ‘look’, and the ‘tut’ for sloppy language use. I’ll add correct grammar to this item. I am known as a bit of a grammar nerd myself, but Mum can still find things to correct in anything I write and show to her.

To talk about things honestly and openly. Mum and Dad always talked to us. This was often at the dinner table, and often for a long time after the meal was finished. Good and bad. Right and wrong. Grey areas. Actions and consequences. Different perspectives. Putting yourself in other people’s shoes. Thinking things through properly. Going for it.

To clean a bath using Ajax powder and a J-cloth. Thank goodness cleaning products have moved on since then.

To cook. Mum is a fabulous cook. At 19, she went to Nice in the South of France to be an au pair. I grew up thinking this was normal. Now I look back and realise that for a young secretary from a suburban Nottingham family in 1960, this was quite unusual and very brave. She found herself having to cook for the children she cared for using a completely different approach and range of ingredients to my Nana, who was not known for her culinary skills.

To be interested in politics. Mum always read quality newspapers, listened to Radio 4 and had (still has) a very strong social conscience. She has never been afraid of expressing her opinions, often with great humour and irony. I’ve lost count of the times we have put the World to rights.

To love reading. I’ve alluded to this already. As a girl, sometimes Mum visited the library more than once a day. Neither of us is ever without a book to read, and we often discuss what we think about them and recommend books we have read to each other.  Only one of us likes Wolf Hall however, and it’s not me.

To sew using a pattern. Mum made a lot of clothes for herself and for us. She helped me to use patterns and a sewing machine, such that I made my first work suit myself! I’m not that good now, but it is like riding a bike and I am getting back into it. I won’t be making a green flowery print trouser suit however – one of the more memorable outfits she made for me. It was the 1970s…

To appreciate Art and Music. Our local library, which we visited regularly of course, had a picture lending service. Do any libraries still do this? We spent ages looking at the choice available (actually hanging up in a separate room of the library) regularly chose new pictures and renewed those we liked. Mum also played music - pop and jazzy blues music. Possibly the album she played the most and that I still love to this day is Carole King’s Tapestry.

To iron a shirt correctly. I hate ironing, but have been taught to do it properly I suppose. She may still iron sheets and towels, but I only iron when it is absolutely necessary.

To be independent and resilient. Possibly the most important item on this list. Mum was very caring, but not over protective. We were not allowed to have a day off school unless we were really ill. We were not allowed to be bored on Sundays when there was nothing on TV. We only had plasters on grazed knees when it was really bad, as fresh air was the best healer (she was right.) When we finally got a phone in our student flat, she was not the mother who rang every week to check I was OK. But she was always there for me, and luckily, she still is…